Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
