i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
