You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
