I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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