So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize