im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
