you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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