Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
