found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
