I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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