i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
