i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
whose parrot is this?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
