hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
