How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
