You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
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My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
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sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize