Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
