my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
