I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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