DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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