guys are only as good as the porn they watch
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
