i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
