he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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