Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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