this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You need Xanax blowdarts
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
