guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Come see our sink grown plant.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
