You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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