I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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