im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
