You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
