Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
