Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
