I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
