just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
