the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
