didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
