I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My ass is underappreciated
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
