Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
