my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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