You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
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Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
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Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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