I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
