Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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