I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
