he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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