the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
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i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
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On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i think my cat just said my name.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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