I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
