I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
