If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
