i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
