haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
