I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Sober January is a disaster.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
