U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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