real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
