If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
it's like iHOP with fire
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
