in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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