It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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