I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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