There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
