The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
two words...techno handjob
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
FUCK WHALES
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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