woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
