I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
