This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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