they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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