I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
