so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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